Week 3 of treatment begins today

Nearly 6am, Week 3 of treatment begins. This is not fun. My life was running so smoothly, I went to work everyday, I came home, I left my dogs out and I went outside every night and I thanked God for giving me another day, I thanked Him for my Health, I thanked Him for allowing me the opportunity to go to school and to achieve my dream of becoming a Nurse. Being able to help people, care for people and support myself. Now this...2 seconds,1 patient and here I am whimpering,frightened and alone. I just do not feel well, the drugs are harsh, suicidal thoughts, oh yes, if the docs find out, my treatment stops, high risk of suicide with these meds, patients need alot of support. I woke up, not sure if I was dreaming or in a stupor, but planning to hang myself from my door knocker, nice heavy brass knocker, heavy steel door , I could put a tarp inside the door, flip the knocker up with a rope tied to it so it would be over the top of the door and I could hang myself. I am not very tall, I can't even see out my peep hole. Tarp could collect any body fluids that might drain. Hopefully the mailman might find me. I know this is just suicidal ideation and I know it is the medication causing these feelings. I had to get up out of bed, turn on some lights and made myself a cup of coffee. I have'nt had a cup of coffee all week. I use to drink coffee all day. My legs hurt, I have no energy, I can only stand a few minutes, then I need to sit, walking down steps are a little tough, but walking up the steps are even harder. 2 or 3 steps, I have to stop, rest, catch my breath, my legs feel like lead. Nausea is a constant companion too, I have to eat with the meds, and the incivek needs to be taken with 20grams of fat, twice a day, so glad I opted for twice a day and not 3 times a day. It is so hard to eat anything, forcing myself to eat the fat. My back end hurts so bad, they said anal and rectal pain, they were not kidding, my god, I had one small hemorrhoid, most women will develop them after giving birth. Never really bothered me all these years. 32 years and now "she" has had a party and invited friends. Unreal. So much personal info here, please forgive me. Almost time for my next dose of meds, then later this afternoon, my interferon shot and week 3 begins..God please help me.