I cant believe it has been so long since I wrote here. So many things I never updated. By the end of Sept. 2013 my hgb dropped to 7.5. That was only 3 weeks into treatment. I don't remember alot, but being so sick in those weeks.  Weak, sleeping, I remember one night calling my friend Zb, crying and saying I cant take this medicine, he told me be a big girl and take my medicine. And I did.  I remember bending down trying to pick something off the floor, and getting so dizzy I was suddenly sitting on the floor with my head spinning.  And I didnt know why my dogs were following me around so closely, growling and barking at me in this low tone?  It was my hemoglobin, they knew.
 I felt a little better after I got a few units of blood, then I started with procrit, which was a fight to get from the insurance company.
 Those days are almost a blur. I prayed every night to not wake up, begging for forgiveness for my sins and just to be taken home.
 I saw my Doc in Jan and he took one look at me and said this is it, treatment is done. He said he was afraid it was killing me.  And I woul. d have to agree with him. It was killing me.  I cried, I didnt want to stop treatment, after all this is my only hope.  My gums had been bleeding for weeks every night, spontaneosly bleeding, it was the interferon, I thought Dr. Rothstein was going to hit the roof. I reported this to his PA Jen, my belly was purple from the interferon shots, she had no idea why my gums were bleeding, and it was unusual to get bruising at injection sites. My family doctor, told me to see a dentist.
This is why I would rather see the doctor, the specialist. I understand my family doctor not knowing, but the PA in his practice, should have know.
After another blood transfusion, and about 2 weeks off of the ribovarin, I was restarted, slowly.  A little more tolerable, but with each increasing dose I was feeling worse.  Then I came back detected, saw the eye doctor and found out I have retinopathy in both eyes.
And still I didnt want to admit defeat, in my eyes I have been defeated.  The risk of blindness is real and not one the doctor was ready to risk. There is new treatment on the horizon. He stopped my treatment yesterday. Once sense I am relieved. I have no life, these medications can kill you, they zap everything from you.
I want me back.